Eyes Are The Window To The Soul
by NotAllGoodThingsComeToAnEnd
Summary: He loves her, so when he looks across at her while she's singing and notices that she's not putting any emotion into her performance, he worries. Her voice is still phenomenal and she's putting on a great show, but when their eyes meet halfway through the song, hers are blank. And it terrifies him, because she's there, but she's not there anymore.


Nick loves her with all his heart. So when she starts to date his brother, he feels his heart crack just a little and every time Joe leans down to kiss her lightly on the lips, his chest tightens and when they pull away and she gives Joe that _look_, Nick forgets how to breathe and has to swallow a few times to get rid of the lump that appears in his throat. And he knows he never had a chance. But it's ok because Joe is his brother and he loves his brother and if she's happy and he's happy then who's he to not be happy for them.

He loves her and it hurts to see her with someone else but it's not until his brother breaks her heart that Nick truly feels his own heart is broken. He doesn't pick sides, not really, but he does spend more time with her and his conversations with Joe are somewhat strained by the weight of all the things he's not saying.

He loves her so he's sad that she's sad, but that doesn't mean that he's not glad she's spending so much time with _him_ now. They sit in her bus and laugh at what gossip sites say about them and write songs and sing and talk about things that neither of them has ever talked about with anyone before. He laughs and smiles and when she does the same he feels his breath catch and his heart beat a little faster because her eyes sparkle and he does everything in his power to try and get her to do it again.

He loves her so when he holds her close to him as she lets out body wracking sobs after a particularly intense song writing session and he first notices just how insubstantial and _thin_ she is, it scares him more than a little. That day he subtly watches her out of the corner of his eye as the cast sit down to dinner and when she eats everything on her plate, he feels the weight on his shoulders lift just a little. And then it all comes crashing down again when she excuses herself and hurries to the bathroom and suddenly he _knows_ and he's berating himself and wondering how he hasn't noticed sooner and as he gazes around the table that contains most of the cast, he wonders how not one of the people around the table has noticed either, because now that he really thinks about it, she excused herself yesterday…and the day before.

He loves her so he doesn't say anything because he knows her and he knows that she'll get upset and then she'll close up and she won't spend time with him anymore or talk to him about things that neither have ever shared with anyone. It's selfish and he loathes himself when he can't sleep because the guilt eats him up inside. But every time he sees her again, he knows that he needs her in his life so he pushes the guilt down and sits next to her at dinner and tries to get her to stay. He stops letting her check what gossip sites say about her and tries with everything in him to make her see how beautiful she is.

He knows she doesn't know that he _knows_ and he knows he has to keep it that way because he won't be able to handle it if she pulls away, so when she breaks off her conversation with Alyson abruptly and hurries from the room after Kevin enters with a pile of pizza boxes, he doesn't try to stop her. Besides, he reassures himself, she doesn't have a serious problem, because she seems fine and she still dances around and kills it on stage every night and he ignores the little voice in the back of his head that points out how prominently her hip bones protrude when she stretches after being hunched over her guitar or reminds him how she's changed up a few of her songs so she can avoid singing the high notes because he's heard the way her voice cracks now when she tries to hit them.

He loves her so when he first catches a glimpse of a small raised red line on her wrist as she lifts the microphone to her mouth and her chunky bracelets slide down, he is horrified. That night at the back of her bus, she sings him a new song she wrote and her voice is filled with such pain and her eyes are so anguished that he feels tears roll down his own cheeks. She reaches up to wipe away his tears, he grips her wrist and holds her hand to his cheek and his stomach drops and his tears flows faster as his thumb brushes over more raised bumps on her wrist. She gasps quietly and looks at him in fear. She pulls away sharply and he can see in her eyes that this is the moment that she starts to shut him out. She explains that it was an accident and she didn't mean to and it was only once and it will never happen again, she swears. And Nick loves her and doesn't want her to shut him out so he pulls her close and holds her and reassures her that no, he won't tell as long as it never happens again and she swears and against his better judgement, he believes her. Nick rests his cheek atop her head as she buries her face in his neck and says no more about it, but he keeps watch closer now and takes her chunky bracelets away so she can't hide it if she does it again. She must know he does but she says nothing so they don't talk about it.

Nick starts to play with her at soundcheck. The first time is after they had just finished writing a particularly personal song and she's quite emotional and when they hear a knock on the door to tell her it's time to go, she wipes her tears and looks at him through wet lashes and pouts her lips and jokes that he should come with her so she doesn't have to be alone like in the song. But Nick knows her and knows she's only half joking, so he just smiles gently and picks up his guitar and that was that. They don't talk about it, but when it comes time for her soundcheck at the next show, Nick is there with his guitar ready to go.

He loves her so when he looks across at her while she's singing and notices that she's not putting any emotion into her performance, he worries. Her voice is still phenomenal and she's putting on a great show, but when their eyes meet halfway through the song, hers are blank. And it terrifies him, because she's there, but she's not _there_ anymore.

That night when she gets offstage she's fine again, she's _there_ and Nick breathes a sigh of relief, but when they go on stage next night and it happens again, he knows something's very wrong. But he doesn't know what to say or do so he says nothing and squashes down his feelings of guilt and shame until he's almost convinced himself there's nothing wrong…_almost_.

But then it happens when they're not on stage, everything's fine and they're hanging out and they're laughing, but when she actually meets his eyes for the first time that day, Nick's laughter dies in his throat and his chest tightens, because she's laughing, but her eyes aren't. He loves her with all his heart and he especially loves the little things; the way she cheekily sticks out her tongue at him when she thinks no ones' looking, the way she still gets nervous before going on stage so she twists the ring on her finger three times to the right and takes two calming breaths before stepping forward, the way she always takes her right shoe off first standing up, stumbles and then sits down to take off her left, every time. But he especially loves the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs and smiles, the way her eyes give away everything about her. Only now, they don't, she's laughing, but her eyes are blank and suddenly it hits Nick. _Hard_. He wonders how long she's been putting on this act and how he hasn't noticed before, because she's there, but she's not _there_, and Nick waits for her to come back, like she has the last few times this has happened, only she doesn't.

Sometimes he thinks she has, when she's laughing at one of Chloe's jokes or messing around with Alyson doing some crazy dance routine, but every time Nick catches her eye hopefully, his stomach sinks because they're still blank and she's not there and he doesn't know how to bring her back.

She starts to pull away from him and Nick is hurt but not all that surprised and he loves her so he doesn't fight her because it's what she wants. And then a week later, he catches sight of a mark on her wrist and he knows that he has to do something but he doesn't know what. He doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to hurt her, but he needs her back so when her parents show up unexpectedly to spend some time with her, he hopes she doesn't see Eddie shake his hand and thank him for contacting them.

He loves her so when she leaves the tour he is heartbroken, but he loves her so when people start to give out and criticise her, he defends her with everything in him, even if those people are his own family.

He loves her so when he has to hear through the tabloids that she's out of treatment, it hurts really bad. But he waits for her to contact him, and waits, and waits.

He loves her and it hurts him deeper than he shows that she hasn't tried to get in touch after months, but he really, truly loves her with all his heart so he puts her needs ahead of his own and figures that she hasn't contacted him for a reason.

It's not until he gets an angry phone call from his ex, their mutual friend, that he realises that she thinks that _he_ hasn't contacted _her_ for a reason. He remembers that she doesn't know how he feels so he immediately apologises to Miley and tries to explain that he was waiting for her to contact him. He chuckles when he hangs up after listening to Miley rant and rave at him and "didn't he know how stubborn she was for god sake, of course she wouldn't make the first move".

He gazes at his phone, finger hovering over her name, wondering if he should text or call, and then he gets nervous because he doesn't think he could handle it if she's still like she was, still there but not _there_, so he goes online instead and buys a ticket to her next show in the Greek Theatre, because he needs to _see_ her, but now he's so hyped up that he can't wait and instead pulls up his twitter and replies to her tweet about her next show, telling her he's looking forward to it. Their first contact in months. Not two minutes later he receives a text,

"You're coming?"

He loves her so his heart speeds up when he reassures her that yes, he is and she asks him if he wants to perform with her.

When his car breaks down on the way to the theatre, he's desperate but he texts her to let her know he'd be late but he'd _would_ be there and tries to calm himself down as he calls a friend for a lift. He arrives at the theatre halfway through the show and his heart is pumping, he steps up to the side of the stage and his heart beats even faster as he catches sight of her in person for the first time in a long time. His breath catches as she ends the song and turns to the side and their eyes lock.

He loves her so when he sees the sparkle back in her eyes, his heart soars and his thinks he forgets how to breathe. She grins at him and someone hands him her guitar and suddenly she's introducing him and he's walking out on stage and then they're hugging and he realises that he hasn't been this happy in a really long time.

Then they're playing and singing together and he can't stop looking at her and every time she catches his eyes he grins and suddenly it's over. And she can sing the high notes again, and put emotion into her songs again, and she's _there_ again and Nick grabs her and hugs her and feels everything fall away as he holds her at tells her how much he missed her and how proud he is and she pulls back and smiles up at him and Nick feels himself fall in love all over again, not that he ever stopped.

He loves her, so when she's smiling up at him like that, he thinks that everything that they've been through has been leading up to this exact moment, because there's nothing holding them back now, her smile reaches her eyes and they're sparkling and his heart beats fast and his breath catches because he loves her so much and he's so happy and he thinks that maybe he does have a chance because he's Nick and he loves her with all his heart and because she's _there_, she's Demi.


End file.
